Sunday, September 7, 2014

Independent Contender Says He Will Create 200,000 Jobs for Kansas

WICHITA, KS – The race for Kansas governor is heating up as incumbent Republican Sam Brownback faces off against Democrat Paul Davis.

An unlikely contender has risen up against them, however, in the form of independent candidate Bill McDoothly. A Kansas native, McDoothly was born in Kansas and moved to Scotland for the first ten years of his life before coming back to the United States as a teenager. He quickly gained a reputation for accented brilliance in his rural community, and after graduating from a local college, climbed the political ladder with the speed of a freight train.

Now, he has his sights on nothing less than the governor's seat. “Aye, I think I've got a fair chance,” McDoothly says, in an exclusive interview with The Satirical Kansan. “Kansas has common sense. We're going down a political road that leads to a worse political road.”

When asked if his political ads were a little too “brash” and “ugly”, McDoothly took a strong stance. “Our experts have focused on creating a pushy smear campaign. There's a difference between pushy and ugly, and we're being pushy. I hired a writer last week that promises to come up with catchy insults, and I will be using those to full capacity in my next debate.”

His choice of policy may seem aggressive to some, but McDoothly believes strongly that his policy is the only way out for Kansas. “I can create 200,000 jobs for Kansas,” he says. “We can restore Kansas together. The governor has the right and the ability to completely take over the government in the form of firm leadership; and by providing 200,000 jobs, we can usher in a new age of prosperity for our beloved state.”

Despite his foreign accent, he views himself as home-grown. “I've got common sense and a strong back. I believe in Kansas, and I believe in the people of Kansas. We have values that everyone else in the United States has, and I believe in protecting those unique values. I sit around with a lot of random families, telling them of my political wonders, and I can feel the positive support they give me every day. I love my home state, and I would rather work here than anywhere else.”

McDoothly's first political ads, such as “Give Some Flak to Sam Brownback”, “Paul Makes Me Want to Bawl”, and “My Accent is Better Than Yours” debut on local channels later this week. “We're primed for victory,” McDoothly says. “All we need now is voters.”


  1. Ok, have no idea if this is real..but it was interesting!!

    1. It's satire. I was growing frustrated with mudslinging political ads, so I took the core arguments and made fun of them - such as, "I will create several thousand jobs for Kansas". :)

    2. Lol, I thought so.
      I've been cleaning house for a lady and she keeps the news on all day - some crazy stuff gets argued over for sure.. ;)