Thursday, May 1, 2014

Light Green Grass Studios: A New Era in Animated Movies

Some weeks ago Hollywood was shaken to the roots by the announcement of the incorporation of a new animation phenomenon, Light Green Grass Studios.  The studio is spearheaded by executive Joe Kordney, of the little-known Princess and the Mafia controversy, a movie which made Hollywood history by having a net profit of negative $226.1 million.

“The success of that movie,” he said, “should be ascribed to my screenplay revisions and my innovative work on watercress animation.”  As he explains in a widely read Rife interview, all this credit was stolen from him by his money-grabbing associates.  He has had similar experiences with El Doratho and the plagiarism of his treatment of Mango, which was to be his debut work.

It was this injustice that led him to begin work on creating a new animation studio.  At first the fledgling idea had financial problems, and existed in name only for “nine hundred and sixty-two days,” according to Kordney.  But through hard work and a generous gift of $203.23 from an anonymous donor, Kordney was able to get the studio off of the ground.

“We're starting out small,” said Kordney.  “We're focusing on short films right now, experimenting with animation styles such as Skin Deep, a method that will allow us to render animated toes with incredible detail and realism.  We're planning on releasing them on Redbox in a collection titled Grass in Shorts by 2015.  If it sells well, we'll follow up in 2016 with Grass in Pants.”

When asked about the source of his passion for animated movies, he said, with tears in his eyes, “Money.  If I can make even one dollar off of a viewer, then I'll consider my life goal fulfilled.  Even one dollar is worth the sacrifice.”

He went on to elaborate on their plans for full-length films: “And the money's in feature-length, no doubt about it.  What Pixar did with Toy Story and what Disney did with Tangled, we're going to do with our next project.  If all goes according to plan, it'll be such a rocker that it'll knock Frozen out of the park.”

Kordney explained that, while the project was under wraps, he could give a little bit of detail.  “I've hired Brett Blech of the Diary of a Raincloud fame to write the original screenplay, which naturally I'll be overseeing.  We don't have many ideas yet, but we do know that we want the story to feature a talking mattress and some hilarious bathroom humor.  It's a bestselling idea, and I think it'll be really well-received.  And of course, animated movies aren't all jokes; when we came up with the main theme of the movie, it nearly made me cry.  What is it, you say?  Well, it'll have a rebellious teenager and an overprotective father theme...can't say much more than that.  We wouldn't want anyone to take our idea!”

This blockbuster is slated to release sometime in 2018, and Kordney seemed optimistic that it could outdo even Frozen 2.  Speaking of Frozen 2, he mentioned that he had a lot of respect for Disney's decision—the fact that they announced a sequel before Frozen was even out of theaters meant that they had the most important goal in mind: profit.  “It's good to know that even the big-name studios have old fashioned values,” Kordney said.

Light Green Grass Studios is expected to release their first short sometime in the next six months, and the investors feel sure that the eyes of Hollywood will be waiting with bated breath.


  1. 1. Is this serious?
    2. I'm not sure if I'm missing a point here, but I got upset when I read the part about the "source of his passion". Really? That's all this is to you? Whatever happened to doing this because you love it, or because you want to make something people will enjoy, or because (surprise!) you want to say something important and films are a good way to reach a lot of people with that message?
    3. The paragraph about what the movie is about. Why. For the love of breathing, WHY? (Don't answer that one, BTW.)

  2. I can't decide if your comment is serious or not, and I'm really bad with implications. But in case I missed something, this IS a satire and it is not meant to be taken seriously. It's making fun of the animation industry by exaggerating the sort of comments that they'd make. ^_^

    1. Yes, my comment was pretty much serious, because I wasn't sure if this was serious or not. It sounded somewhat exaggerated, but on the other hand, in our culture . . . yeah.

  3. *snickers up a storm*
    Glorious. Our future is as bright as I thought it was.

  4. "Well, it'll have a rebellious teenager and an overprotective father theme...can't say much more than that. We wouldn't want anyone to take our idea!”

    AH ha ha haaaaa!

  5. Lol :), like Sarah, I took it seriously at first, too :D